I didn’t grow up with religion. I did, however, grow up with a belief in the basics of Christianity. When I was 18, I met a man and fell head over heels. That man just happened to be Mormon. I’ve never been able to decide if I joined because I actually believed or because I loved that man.
Fast forward 14 years and I was twice divorced with 2 children. Both men being liars and adulterous. The first even resorting to emotional abuse. I was depressed. Miserable. Felt inadequate. I had 14 years of talks about how my lack of sealings denied me the rights to my own children in “the next life”. Years of unanswered questions about how we’d have to just “wait and see” in the next life and to just have faith. Temple sessions essentially telling women that they’re less important than men. Years of a church dictating what UNDERWEAR I was allowed to wear.
After the second divorce, I finally listened to the gut feelings that I’d had since joining. I started to research without a church telling me where I could look for answers. My research snowballed and I realized that it was all false.
Where will I go? It’s now been one year since I officially resigned. I have found myself. The myself that I pushed away to fit into the high expectations I felt I had to keep. The myself that I’ve always wanted to be. I found a community of wonderful people who are now wonderful friends. I found true, unconditional support. I found that I am a good, moral, hard-working person even without god and the LDS church. I’ve found more trials, yes. Trials are all around us. I still try to learn from them like before but I just no longer believe that it was “given” to me. I have found that I don’t need to be perfect. No one is perfect. My lack of belief in religion doesn’t make me a bad person. I’m still a good mom and good friend. I love with my whole heart.
Most importantly, I finally found my peace.

Where will I go? Wherever my heart takes me.

Where will you go? Find your peace. Find YOU.

Jennifer in AZ

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